The first time some young gay man called me “Daddy” I recoiled in horror. What disrespect. What gut punching rude shade coming off these little Millennial bitches! I’m not that old dammit. It creeped me out and turned me off. In time though I finally got it.
How old were you the first time you heard “Daddy” from a younger man? I was in my forties. Now in my fifties I still hear it but it’s come to sound very different than it used to. It’s not always an insult, disrespect nor is it a backhanded compliment. Fact is a great many younger men are deeply attracted to older men. They crave us.
Looking Through Different Eyes
Those of us who have lived a while tend to look at ourselves in the mirror and see our age. Remembering what we looked like at twenty, we see now the wrinkles, the scars, the shapes that aren’t what they used to be. We don’t look at all like those young bucks on Instagram.
Our visions of ourselves often talk negatively us, telling us that life is over. The voices at the least say we’re not all that anymore. The louder darker ones tell us we can’t have it, we can’t do it, and we aren’t worthy of it. Weren’t we told our relevance as gay men ends at thirty anyway?
It’s awfully easy to listen to those voices and shrink back into the belief that it’s time to stop asking, stop looking and stop expecting. It’s easy to start lowering our expectations of sex, love, romance and even who we surround ourselves with as friends. No so fast Daddy.
To a great many younger gay men as it turns out our gray hairs, our battle worn faces and our faded tattoos read as experience and confidence. Our less perfect and time worn physique in many of their eyes offers a sense of masculinity and sexual energy that they truly see and feel. They simply see us different than we see ourselves. Believe it.
The Numbers Favor Us
I have quite a few gay male friends in their sixties and seventies who tell me they have more younger men after them than they ever expected at their age. More than one of them has theorized that part of the phenomenon is about the fact that there are very few gay men over sixty still alive.
As a percentage of the population this is true. The AIDS crisis of the 80s and 90s wiped out almost two full generations of gay men. They just aren’t here anymore. Secondly, as a control group we have statistically shorter lifespans as many more of us fall prey to alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illness and other life shortening health concerns.
Bottom line is that if you’re a functioning and healthy gay man who’s made it to his fifties, sixties and beyond you’re are a warrior. That’s sexy as fuck. You offer up a powerful draw to younger men who desire maturity, leadership, wisdom and stability. Not many of their younger brethren always serve that up.
Play Your Daddy Card Hard
If you’re still here what I have learned is that leaning into your age and experience pays off. Don’t be afraid to show your battle scars, your gray hair, your wrinkles and your wisdom. Relax, be yourself and quit trying to relive your younger you. Embrace your age. You can learn to feel comfortable in it.
Confidently express your more mature level of sexuality. It’s your superpower. Finesse your arm wrapping hold, your ability to offer sincerity, and the deep look of your eyes. Express the connective energy you’ve learned how to give. It’s more impactful than less experienced and confident younger men inherently offer. What you have is more powerful than you might think.
On the intellectual side of things you can be an invaluable light of leadership, wisdom and love to younger men. Of course some of them are looking for a father figure and may be fetishizing you. Some of you are good with that if you’re honest with yourselves but some of you aren’t.
Either way smile and start a conversation if they call you “Daddy” – maybe swap some spit. At least entertain them for a chat to see where it goes – might make some cute new friends.
The bottom line is that “Daddy” is not a term that needs to turn you off. It need not send you running the other way. It’s a term of endearment that you can take heart in and learn to love the sound of. Don’t be afraid to be one of the few and the proud. You’ve earned it.
Smoker of fine tires, eater of natural foods, connoisseur of aromatic leathers, pusher of limits.